Being a Stepmom

I met my husband-to-be on Feb. 21, 2008 and learned that evening that he had two daughters, who are soon to be turning ages 17 and 22. Some women I know may have been turned off by dating a man with children but, having had several nieces and nephews and no children of my own, I thought I could handle the challenge. While being a stepmom wasn't something I planned to do, I'm happy that I've had the opportunity.

Me with my husband and stepdaughters on our wedding day.

From day one, I have tried to show my stepdaughters that I am not trying to be their mother. They have one already that has done a lovely job in the shared raising of the girls. In short, I’m their dad’s wife. I expect them to be cognizant of my husband’s feelings just as I expect him to be of theirs. I expect them to follow the rules while in our house – even if they are different from at their mom’s house. And above all, I hope that I have earned their respect just as they need to earn mine.

In the past five years, we've had to work on our respective relationships. I will not sugarcoat that it has been difficult at times. But like any relationship you have with your spouse, your sibling or a long-time friend, it takes hard work and dedication to make it work. And I wouldn't trade these girls for anything either. They both make me laugh and unfortunately can make me cry, but in the end, we all love the same guy – my husband, their father – and that’s what holds us together.

We're about to enter a new era in our relationship too. My youngest stepdaughter is moving to the East Coast with her mother. This will be difficult for all of us but I'm trying to look at this as an adventure and a great opportunity for her. She'll have great opportunities at her new school - things that would be out of the question where she's at now.

And, we'll need to figure out Skype and things like that, which could be difficult since she hates to talk on the phone. But I believe that communication is key and as long as we can keep that line open, all will be okay. Wish us luck!